


At Last

by Misha20



Category: Scott & Bailey
Genre: Angst, F/F, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 06:23:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3559367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha20/pseuds/Misha20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After many years of Gill taking Julie's role in her life for granted. The foundation of their friendship and Gill's center is rocked by the realization that Julie is dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever attempt at a fiction.
> 
> Characters belong to Sally Wainwright who has generously allowed us to use them as vessels for our creativity.
> 
> I am not British, please forgive any inaccuracies in tone, spelling, northern diction and idiosyncrasies.

Monday Morning

The continuous pressure felt by Gill as head of syndicate 9 of Manchester's Metropolitan MIT could be unrelenting. Over the years and, specially since her divorce, she had grown accustomed that work preceded most aspects of her life excluding her son Sammy, her love for him and his well being, was and always would be her priority.

Gill reflected on this; her birthday was approaching, once again she had not taken the time to bring the needs of her personal life to the forefront. Therefore she had made no plans regarding the celebration of her day. In years past, there had always been Julie Dodson, who could be counted on to turn up with a bottle, an offer of friendship, company.

Julie, her friend and confidant of so many years. As of late, there hasn't been the opportunity to see each other or spend time in their respective homes.

Gill had become so accustomed to have her presence, strength and unwavering support in her corner that it took her some time to notice the quiet shift Julie had made in their dynamic.

Just as Gill's mind wanders over her decades long friendship with Julie (HER Julie as she's viewed her but never admitted) and, what she's meant in her life, they were notified of a new case and her laser like focus shifted immediately to her team and solving this new murder.

Tuesday

Janet approached her boss's office, gently knocking on her door...

"Gill, Rachel and I have decided to take you out for your birthday Saturday evening"

"Are you asking or informing me Janet?"

"As your friend, I am informing you. As much as we respect your commitment to work. Lately it seems like ALL you ever do is work" "We are going out for a bit of fun, be ready for early evening come Saturday"

Gill harrumphs, "when you put it that way, have I choice?"

"Oh come on Gill, it will be worth it. Rachel and I will take care of all the planning"

As she is deep down very moved by the offer and care of her junior officers, Gill mutters a soft

"Thank you Janet"

Wednesday

Gill has been a copper for over 25 years, during her career she worked hard and ascended the ladder to her current rank of DCI. She's loved not only her job but the fact that her position made her responsible for putting criminals behind bars.

As such, very little of the lack of humanity people showed each other shocked or affected her. As a matter of survival, she learned to the best of her ability many years ago, to leave work behind when finished for the day.

Then there are cases like this one. The heartbreak in the surviving spouse of their latest victim had touched and unsettled her in ways she couldn't quite comprehend.

It's not as if it was her first lesbian murder case. She had witnessed long ago as a young detective the depth of pain experienced by same sex partners upon losing their loved one. The hurt was no less searing and crippling than that experienced by straight surviving spouses of her victims. It had made her accepting and supporting of lesbian lifestyles and, relationships, even before Julie came into her life.

This victim seemed to be an apparent matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Out for an afternoon in Prestwich Forest Park, her partner reported her missing when she never came home. She was found days later, badly beaten and strangled over 3 miles away in Swinton.

The case fell to Gill and her team as the crime scene happened in Manchester.

Rachel and Janet had handled the family notification, with Janet being assigned as FLO.

For this one, Gill needed Janet's sensitivity and compassion. The widow was wracked by the guilt of her wife having gone off to the park alone, due to her canceling on her at the last minute to go into work.

They were a mature couple. Contemporaries of her and Julie, who finally came together 3 yrs ago after a 30 year friendship.

Their love, so deep and abiding that Laura (the surviving spouse) felt unable to carry on in the absence of her spouse. Yet, she felt immense gratitude that they were given these last few years together. This was evident to all even in the midst of her grief.

Late Wednesday Night

For Gill, the parallels in the life journeys of Laura and her late spouse to her own life, could not be ignored.

She sat on the settee, glass of wine in her hand, pondering the restlessness that had suddenly taken residence in her being, these unfamiliar feelings in her heart and mind all swirling around Julie... Her Julie.

It was now, during these lonely late night hours, that Gill missed her.

Realized that she had not made time for her friend in months, taking refuge in the hurt she felt at Julie's unexplained absence and distance.

Acknowledging if she were to be honest with herself, that over the years, she had taken for granted that she would always be there, be patient, love her, wait for her, while Gill found a way through the maelstrom of fear and confusion that her undealt with feelings for Julie elicited.

Yes, the background lifestory of the couple in this new case shook her to the core.

Thursday

Rachel suddenly leans across from their respective desks and asks Janet

"Now that you've roped me into this, what exactly are we doing for Godzilla's birthday?"

Janet looks at her with reprimand in her eyes for the name calling

"Rach, after all this time, how can you still refer to our boss that way?"

Rachel has the decency to look contrite

"You are right Janet, the boss has earned the right for me to no longer call her Godzilla behind her back"

"Don't change the subject, what have you planned for her birthday celebration?"

Janet is not sure, her original plan had been a night out having drinks in the pub, something simple, just a way to spend time away from the office and darkness of daily murder.

She has noticed as the days with this new case wore on that Gill seemed subdued.

It was clear to Janet having known Gill for so long and, the friendship they shared. That something about this victim had rattled her unflinching boss.

During Janet's briefing to the team, of the notification experience and subsequent conversations with the widow establishing the victim's background and history; that Gill had noticeably paled and momentarily lost her composure. She regained her footing, resuming her duties as SIO, yet there was an undercurrent in the way she is zealously working the case.

Something is off and Janet couldn't figure out what it was.

On a sudden whim, Janet wonders if she should include Julie in the upcoming festivities. Her and Gill's friendship was stronger, deeper and longer than Janet's and Gill's.

Meanwhile in Gill's office

Lost in deep thought and, a little worse for wear after last night's wine induced personal admissions. Gill sits wondering how to bridge the gap that suddenly feels as wide as the river Thames with Julie. They had never been shy or held anything back from each other, Gill felt that Julie was the one person who knew and understood her completely.

Before she realizes what she doing she picks up the phone and calls her.

"Hiya slap"

"Well, hello stranger" Julie responds.

Once more Gill notices a reserve in Julie, for some reason that Gill can't fathom, Julie has built a barrier in their interactions...

"I've missed you, we are both so consumed by work that it's been some time since we've gotten together away from work"

"Hummmmmm" replies Julie, "is that so Gill? I haven't noticed"

Gill feels the intended slight and decides to not bite.

"No worries slap, I have an offer that you will not be able to pass up.

Janet and Rachel are taking me out for a bit of a do to celebrate my birthday on Saturday evening. I expect you to be there you mad cow"

There is a pregnant pause on Julie's end before Gill hears her sigh

"Sorry love, I am not free on Saturday evening"

Gill feels as if she's been slapped

"What do you mean Julie? I haven't heard of any big cases being handled at Duke Street that would require their illustrious Superintendent's attention. It's my birthday, you have to come"

The thought that Julie would say no to her, never crossed Gill's mind.

Julie takes a deep breath and releases it. This is one of the things that no longer works for her. When did she allow this level of Gill taking her for granted? When did it become acceptable for Gill to call her and extend an invitation with two days notice fully expecting Julie to be available? Even if said invitation in this case is for Gill's birthday celebration.

Julie no longer tried to answer these questions to herself. She simply decided to do things different.

"Sorry love, I really can't make it.

How about one night next week you and I celebrate a belated birthday?"

The crush of disappointment Gill felt was so large it made her physically ill.

"It's OK slap, I understand. Yes, we can get together next week.

Gotta get back to work now slap, ta-ta"

Gill hung up before giving Julie and opportunity to respond.

It was a long time before she was able to move from her seat.

Friday

As Janet and Rachel were walking up the stairs to their offices they were passed by Mitch who felt the need to warn them:

"The boss is on a tear today. She just bollocked Pete for not answering her CCTV questions about our murder case fast enough"

"Best be on your best behaviour, specially you Rachel" he said as he practically ran down the stairs on his way to follow a lead in their current investigation.

"Oh go on Mitch" Rachel replied "how bad can she be today?"

As they continued up the stairs, they looked at each other in acknowledgement that Gill has been even more prickly over the last few days. It seemed that this birthday celebration needed to be special in order to lift Gill from this strange mood.

"No need to worry Rachel, by lunch I will have a suitable plan for tomorrow" said Janet.

After giving much thought to Gills presently unexplained state of mind, Janet decided to do something different than a night at the pub.

They would go to the early show at The Comedy Store for a bit of laughter and gaiety, then have dinner at 63 Degrees Manchester.

Having made the pertinent reservations she got up from her desk and approached Gill's office.

Saturday

Gill took her time getting ready for the evening's festivities. No matter how she felt, she was appreciative of the effort Janet and Rachel were making on her behalf.

A comedy club, was this Janet's way of hinting at something?

She is aware that her team has spent the last two days (since her conversation with Julie) working and walking carefully around her.

Gill's disappointment at Julie's not being able to make it tonight, still cut deep.

She couldn't remember a birthday since her divorce not spent with her.

Of all of her birthday times together, the two most memorable were: her first year alone, when Julie came round and cooked a gourmet meal for her and Sammy. And, the year Julie took her out to a pub. As the night wore on, Gill started to feel sorry for herself, upon noticing this, Julie worked her considerable charms on her, making sure that by the end of the night, Gill felt like the most special and loved woman in Manchester.

Sighing, she finished getting ready. Julie or no Julie, tonight would be fun.

oOo

As they were waiting to be seated for dinner, Janet looked at Gill, the comedy club had been a good choice.

The comedian happened to be female and very funny, Rachel, herself and specially Gill, were able to let go, have some wine and much laughter.

Janet could see Gill visibly relax and the restless cloud that had been hovering over her begin to abate.

Janet remembered something and leaned over to Gill.

"Gill, I wanted to surprise you by including Julie in our festivities. She declined the invite stating that she had plans" I must admit to being surprised by this as she has been your main birthday buddy these last few years"

Rachel said, "really I would've expected Dodson to be here with us if invited"

If Janet and Rachel had been paying attention to Gill when saying this, they would have noticed Gill's reaction to Janet's news.

Gill on the other hand would rather not be reminded that Julie chose to be someplace else tonight. She had not mentioned to Janet her impromptu call to Julie and apparently neither had Julie.

"She must be busy Janet, we made plans for next week, when she called this morning to wish me a happy birthday"

Gill said not looking at either one of them. She did not mentioned or want to dwell on the stilted conversation they had that morning.

In any case, she promised herself to not brood about Julie and to have a fun night out on the town.

The hostess came over to lead them to their table.

Janet had done well in her choice of restaurant. Elegant and understated, the kind of place that would work for a quiet evening of fine dining with friends or a romantic date.

They were seated at a good table, their server came over with the menus, wine list and discussion of the specials.

Gill focused on the menu as she considered the options, Janet would choose the wine so that was her focus.

Rachel, having quickly decided what she wanted for dinner, used her time to look around the restaurant and was suddenly gobsmacked. Unable to hold her impulse in and, unaware of the effect her words would have suddenly said...

"Well now we know why Dodson was not available tonight. She is here on what looks like a hot date"

Gill felt poleaxed by the news.

Julie being out on a date was not anything she ever considered as a possibility.

She very discreetly looked to the direction Rachel had indicated and saw Julie sitting close and intimately looking, clearly on a date with a stunning brunette.

Just as she was looking away, Julie glanced her way and their eyes met.


	2. Chapter 2

Sunday

"Mum, is everything OK?" Sammy asks, you are not usually in bed this late.

Gill rolls over and looks at her son "everything's fine love, I decided to have a lie in today"

"All right Mum, I am off to spend the afternoon with Orla"

Gill hears Sammy's footsteps as he finishes gathering his things and leaves for his time with his girlfriend. She is happy to be left alone with her thoughts and feelings as her mind replays the events of last evening, which started with so much promise but ended up feeling like a horror show she was participating in.

Flashback to Saturday night

Gill very discreetly looked to the direction Rachel had indicated and saw Julie sitting close and intimately looking, clearly on a date with a stunning brunette.

Just as she was looking away, Julie glanced her way and their eyes met. She could see by her reaction that she was as stunned as Gill was... Of all the restaurants Janet could've chosen what were the odds of this happening?

They exchanged small smiles at each other. One, the smile of shock. The other a tight smile that for a brief moment seemed guilty.

Still, unaware of their boss' current predicament, Rachel went on

"Janet, have you seen the stunner with Dodson?"

"I always knew there was something about Dodson that I couldn't figure out, well, now it makes sense"

Janet, putting down the wine list, looks over to where Julie was.

"Indeed I see her, she is pretty. Good for her I say! Julie has been alone for a long time and deserves some happiness in her life. Don't you agree Gill?"

Gill who is still struggling to assimilate what she's seen is momentarily lost for words.

"Don't you agree Gill?" Janet repeats

"Yes, of course she does" Gill finally manages to mumble as she hides behind her menu.

Rattled and struggling, the only thought swirling through Gill's mind was; Julie is out on a date. When did this happen?

She takes a long time to make her dinner choices, trying to regain her equilibrium and not alert her companions to what's going on within her.

Rachel having moved on from perusing the restaurant returns her attention to the table

"So, what are we having for dinner? Have you chosen the wine yet Janet?"

oOo

At her table Julie is as rattled as Gill, up until 5 minutes ago she'd been having a wonderful date with Charlotte, having finally gotten over some of her guilt at not attending Gill's birthday celebration. Saying no to Gill was a very new occurrence on Julie's part, the practice of it still very foreign.

Earlier in the evening, she'd wondered what they were up to and how they were getting on. Acknowledging to herself that she missed being with Gill tonight, even if others would also be there.

When she'd started dwelling too long on those thoughts, she'd worked hard at bringing her focus back to her date.

She found Charlotte to be charming, intelligent, very good company and, considering how many times she'd let Julie know she was interested in a personal relationship before Julie gave her an opportunity, very patient.

oOo

Having settled on their respective orders, the celebrating trio resumes their antics of the evening. They discussed the comedy show, the talented comedienne and the overall carefree feeling of the evening.

As the wine freely flowed, Janet noticed Gill having more than her normal share and that some of her laughter seemed forced. For some reason, these facts seemed important to be aware of.

Gill for her part, can't help looking over at Julie's table. Her date seemed familiar to her, she couldn't place her but knew she'd seen her somewhere before...

It is Rachel, who in her usual impulsive way, brings the conversation back to the table across the restaurant.

"Have you noticed how Dodson's companion looks at her? Better than any desert on the menu, then again, if my date looked as dapper as Julie does tonight, I would be looking like that too" she said with a smirk"

She seems familiar though, don't you think Janet?

Janet who is not necessarily comfortable discussing Julie's date at their table tries to change the topic.

"Rach, I don't think we ought to be gossiping about Julie's personal life"

"Oh come one Janet, it isn't as if we are doing anything wrong, I tell you, Dodson's date looks very familiar"

Janet looks over again and says, "well she is one of us. She is a DI with Manchester Police, isn't that right Gill?"

To Gill it is as if a light has suddenly gone off, that's where she knew her from!

As she had no intention in participating in this conversation she replied,

"I don't think so Janet, let's forget about Julie and her date"

Followed by a rather large sip of her wine.

oOo

"Julie, is there a reason those women who are seated across the restaurant from us keep discreetly looking over here?"

Asked Charlotte as they were having dessert.

Inwardly Julie groans, she doesn't want to have this conversation, certainly not tonight and not before she is ready.

"Have they?"

"Yes, they seem to be very interested in you" "Do you know them?"

"Yes, I know them, they are fellow officers who work out of syndicate 9. If they are watching, it's because they are wondering why I haven't gone over to greet them"

"I won't mind if you do, specially if they are colleagues"

"Are you sure Charlotte?"

"Yes, go on while I enjoy my coffee"

Julie stands from the table and, as she walks across the restaurant, hopes she doesn't look as reluctant as she feels.

oOo

"Oooh Dodson is on her way over" Says Rachel

To Gill, this night just kept getting worse. The last thing she wanted to do was greet Julie and have polite chit chat with her while she was on a date with another woman. A date which must matter to Julie enough to turn down celebrating Gill's birthday with her as was their custom.

"Hello ladies, happy birthday again Gill.

Fancy running into you here"

"Hi Julie" said Rachel and Janet

"Hiya slap" said Gill not looking at her. "Thank you for the good wishes"

"I guess we now know why you couldn't join us Julie"Janet said with a smile. "Nice looking date"

Julie ignores the comment and compliment wondering when did things get so complicated. She redirects the focus by asking "how goes the night on the town?"

Thankfully, Rachel takes her comment as an invitation to regale Julie in full detail with the events of the evening.

As she is speaking, Gill sits morosely, hoping for Julie to end her visit and return to her own table. As far as she was concerned, this night couldn't end soon enough. She thought taking another large sip of her wine.

Sitting back, Janet is beginning to notice Gill's wine intake and the strange undercurrent between her and Julie.

Gill comes out of her fog hearing Julie say

"Enjoy the rest of your evening love, see you next week when we celebrate your birthday"

At that, Gill finally looks at Julie with a wounded look that sear's Julie to the core.

"Enjoy your evening too slap" said Gill wondering how she did not choke on those words

Julie finishes her goodbyes and walks back to her table, leaving the trio to finish their dinner.

oOo

Charlotte has finished her coffee when Julie returns, as hers has gone cold she uses this as an opportunity to end their dinner.

She settles the bill and escorts her date out of the restaurant.

oOo

Gill watches Julie and her date leave, she can't help notice that her hand is on her companion's lower back as she escorts her, they look good together.

She has to agree that Julie indeed looks good tonight, Rachel had used the right adjective "dapper"

This told Gill that Julie had made an extra effort.

Was she trying to impress her date?

Could this be serious on Julie's part?

Back to present time

Gill is still in bed feeling ill both physically and emotionally.

The physical part is attributed to the very large quantities of wine she consumed the previous night in order to survive the ordeal the evening turned out to be.

Her emotional illness has another name, jealousy. She is jealous over Julie.

Last night, she came face to face with the possibility of Julie moving on from her and it scared her. It's not as if Julie hadn't dated, even had relationships in the past. But they had always been able to talk about it, Gill even met some of the women Julie had gone out with.

The fact that Julie kept this particular date a secret from her was another example of the changes that had permeated their friendship as of late.

Gill remembered the day she met the woman she saw last night at a conference for officers of rank, Julie was one of the presenters on the panel.

After the conference, as Gill lingered waiting for Julie to finish her duties, she noticed a very attractive DI she had been introduced to earlier (Charlotte something or another) hovering around waiting to introduce herself to Julie. There was something about her body language that told Gill there was more than professional interest on Charlotte's part.

Julie, as it was the norm when Gill was around had been oblivious to the flirtatious nature of Charlotte's interaction.

In the car on their way back, Gill had even teased her about her new admirer to which Julie replied in astonishment denying any such interest on The DI's part.

"Gill, you think every woman who approaches me to say hello wants to get into my knickers" she'd said and they both had a laugh about it.

Was this a first date?

When had they progressed to dating status?

Why hadn't Julie said anything?

These questions and the fact that Charlotte was a fellow ranking officer, made her a formidable opponent and fuelled Gill's jealousy.

Yet, was she ready to do anything about it?

Julie's Sunday morning

Julie turned over in bed exhausted by a sleepless night.

She sighed loudly, a night that began with such promise, started going downhill the moment she looked up and made eye contact with Gill. The final blow being Gill's wounded eyes just before she walked away from their table.

As she drove Charlotte home, the atmosphere in the car was quiet and subdued. She knew Charlotte was puzzled by the change in her demeanour and she struggled to be able to explain it. Luckily Charlotte attributed the shift to work concerns.

Julie woke up tired, disappointed and angry.

Tired of this dance with Gill.

Disappointed in herself for her inability to move on from the love she's had for Gill for so long.

Angry at Gill for her inability to let her go or move forward together.

Charlotte was a real possibility, one she hadn't allowed herself in years.

What was she going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DI: Detective Inspector


	3. Chapter 3

Julie's Monday

Julie had the day off, she'd been reminded recently of all the unused vacation time she had in reserve.

Today, management paid attention to these details as they preferred to not have police officers, specially GOOD senior officers be affected by burnout.

Of course, it had to be her luck that on a day she would've given anything to not have any unstructured time, she had nothing to do but think.

Should she ask Charlotte out for an impromptu lunch? Partly to make up to her how the night ended on Saturday? She considered but thought it may not be fair, in her present state of mind, all roads lead back to Gill.

oOo

They'd met decades ago when they were both young Bobby's patrolling Manchester, Julie noticed this pixie like creature who managed to stand out and command respect in the midst of all the testosterone that surrounds a police station, she was suitably impressed.

Even as a young officer, Gill was bright, self assured and fearless, Julie had been instantly drawn to her. Not in a sexual way (that would come much later), she was drawn to her spirit.

From the beginning, their friendship seemed odd to many outsiders. Those who focused on trivial things could not see the commonality and affinity between these two very different women who worked out of the same nick yet had no need to compete against each other.

They'd known from the beginning due to their very ambitious nature, that they would ascend the officer ranks and, decided to support each other, do it together as opposed to one tearing the other down and apart in order to climb over. They'd derived strength and drive from each other's successes.

That Julie was a lesbian never mattered to Gill.

Julie in all honesty could not say the same about Gill's being straight. She'd never been able to explain or control the effect Gill had on her. From the very beginning, it's as if Gill's entire being spoke to her soul.

A soul that could not help breaking the most important lesbian commandment: never fall for a straight woman.

For Julie, it happened gradually as their friendship deepened and they got to know each other, she liked so much of what Gill stood for, the integrity of her conduct as an officer, the carefree way she lived her life at the time.

That in her eyes, Gill was one of the most beautiful women (and still was to this day) didn't hurt.

Gill brought levity and spontaneity to the friendship, Julie's nature has always been more reserved, serious, added to that; the realisation very early in her life that she was gay. Her decision from the beginning of her career to not hide her sexuality from her fellow officers and, the hardship that came with that, made her much more cautious in her approach to life.

Before Gill met, courted and married Dave Murray, they'd spent most of their free time together, Julie never let on that she had fallen deeply in love with her friend. Respecting Gill enough to never cross that line.

To her other friends, Julie was the epitome of one of the oldest "lesbian cliches" they never understood that for her it ran deeper than a sexual attraction, that she was happy having Gill as part of her life even if it was only as a friend. It did not have to be all or nothing.

Over time she stopped trying to explain and, most others learned to accept that the topic of Gill was off limits.

For Julie her love for Gill lived in a closed off compartment.

For many years she'd managed to strike a balance, lived her life, dated and had romantic relationships with other women. She and Gill even spent time as a foursome with their respective partners.

Then came Gill's bruising divorce from Dave, a divorce that rocked the core of her womanhood and left lasting emotional scars in Gill.

oOo

"Slap" Julie heard a teary voice over the phone say, "Dave is leaving me for another woman" "a much younger woman who is pregnant"

Shit, said Julie to herself, there had been rumours swirling for some time of Dave's shenanigans with a very young officer.

Julie knew it wasn't the first, second or third time that he'd been at it behind Gill's back so she paid no attention and stayed out of it. Her friend's marriage was not something she had or ever

would immerse herself in. She may love Gill but she was no masochist.

"Where are you love?" She finally answered

"I am at home" Gill said sniffling

"I'll be right over" said Julie

That night, Julie held Gill as she cried the cries of the heartbroken for all she was losing; her marriage (or the illusion of it), her distinguished career with The Crime Faculty, most important and damning, her self respect and confidence.

So began many nights, days and, weekends over the next few months of Gill and Julie again spending most of their free time together as when they were newly friends. Completely unaware of the fact that they were no longer young and carefree but, grown women with dormant dreams, hopes and desires that each saw in the other.

Emotions that over time would complicate matters.

Gill's Monday

When her alarm went off that morning, Gill felt relief.

After an endless Sunday of agonising over the state of things with Julie and, if she were to be honest with herself, moping over the fact that Julie didn't call that day, she gladly welcomed work.

She and Janet had a scheduled meeting at Laura's home to update her of the progress in the investigation of her murdered wife.

oOo

Janet and Gill were on the settee in the front room of the home Laura had shared with Sharon, as it is with many of these situations, after they updated the victim's family, many times surviving members felt the need to talk about the life of their loved one. They wanted the police investigating the case to know that the deceased was more than a murder victim.

Laura was saying:

"We were inseparable friends for over 30 years before finding the courage to admit our love.

We'd worked together, laughed, and traveled. There was never a time in my life that I could remember Sharon not being there. We celebrated our professional triumphs and dried each other's tears.

Yet, we came from an era when women were not allowed to love other women. In those days, a woman loving another was seen as a mental illness, an embarrassment to our families and an abomination in the eyes of the church...I guess that last one still holds true in some churches today.

We'd spent so long accepting that reality, as OUR reality that even though the times were changing it never occurred to either one that we could move our relationship from a deeply loving platonic friendship to a romantic one"

oOo

Gill began to squirm as she listened to Laura, it felt as if the universe was playing a cruel trick on her, a few hours ago she eagerly looked forward to work, only to have work bring her back to Julie.

oOo

Laura continued:

"There were two things that changed our perceived destiny. We buried Sharon's mom who was our last living parent, and, I had a health scare which required surgery"

"Sharon was set free by losing that last tangible connection to that era and mindset, she was for the first time ever, ready to live fully, she somehow found the courage to own who she was and became determined to experience her lesbian lifestyle to the fullest, albeit in her own quiet way.

I was much more fearful and reluctant, I could see us heading in different directions for the first time in all our years of being friends"

"My health issues brought us back closer. As I faced the possibility of my own mortality, I realised that I couldn't let Sharon get away from me, couldn't let someone else have the wonderful woman I knew her to be.

If after all these years of friendship she was going to be an out lesbian, I wanted to be the one she walked that road with"

"I loved her with all my heart and needed her to know that, lucky for me, she loved me too.

The day we declared our feelings for each other, was one of the best days of my life.

The last three years were the happiest and free we had ever been", at that she broke down in heart wrenching sobs.

"Did you know we were married only 6 months ago?

We didn't have enough time, how am I to continue without her?"

As Janet moved over to comfort Laura, she noticed all the colour had drained from Gill's face.

"Gill are you OK?"

Said Janet, finally knowing that something is indeed wrong with her.

No matter how many times she denies it, her behaviour has been very peculiar over the last week.

Gill manages to compose herself and replies "I am fine Janet" as she returns her attention back to the widow and offers her comfort and reassurance.

"Laura, my syndicate and I will do our very best to solve this case and bring justice to Sharon"

oOo

In the car on their way back to headquarters, Janet decides to broach the situation with Gill.

"Gill, do you want to talk about it? It's clear that something about this case has unsettled you"

Gill looks straight ahead as she replies "don't be ridiculous Janet, you are imagining things"

Janet is sure something is wrong and, as she starts to put all the subtle clues she's witnessed over the last week together, she knows it has something to do with Julie Dodson. Could this case be in some way, reflecting a mirror in Gills face to her relationship with Julie?

It's always been clear to Janet that Julie loves Gill, she has never been sure about Gill's feelings for Julie.

"If you say so Gill, just remember that as your friend, I am here to listen anytime"

Late Monday Night

Gill is ending her day as tortured as she began. Working this murder case is emotionally exhausting, she did not need the reflection of Laura and Sharon's love in her face as her friendship with Julie is imploding.

She loves Julie, has done so for years.

Julie, who's been her best friend for as long as she could remember.

Julie, who's put her first time and time again.

Julie, who helped her pick up the pieces and heal after Dave left her humiliated.

Julie, who understands what it is to be a ranking officer and the pressure that puts on an a personal life.

Post divorce, her birthdays have become intertwined with Julie.

It was at the end of a birthday celebration that she knew she loved her.

Julie took her out to a pub. As the night wore on, Gill started to feel sorry for herself, upon noticing this, Julie worked her considerable charms on her, making sure that by the end of the night, Gill felt like the most special and loved woman in Manchester.

That's the night Gill recognised she loved Julie with all her heart.

It was during Saturday's birthday celebration that she realised she is about to lose Julie.

Worst of all, it was during her birthday celebration a year ago, that a throwaway comment she made, deeply hurt Julie and was the beginning of this chasm between them.

oOo

After hearing Laura talk about her friendship and love with Sharon, she knows she can no longer leave things as they are with Julie.

That would be the biggest regret of her life.

If Charlotte thinks she can swoop in and have HER Julie, she's got another thing coming.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for continuing to read this fiction, I needed to explore what brought Gill and Julie to the point where the story began, the journey there took longer than I anticipated.
> 
> In the following chapters, they will be interacting as Gill tries to find a way to Julie's heart.

The Previous Year, Weeks before Gill's Birthday

They were having Sunday brunch at Albert's Shed

"Slap, what have you planned for my special day?" Gill asked

"What special day Gill?" Julie feigns ignorance

"Are you having me on? I know you Dodson, there is no way you have forgotten my birthday" says Gill

"I haven't a clue what you are going on about love. I recalled you saying three months ago that you were getting too old for birthdays and I should ignore it this year" Julie said.

"I said no such thing!" replies Gill

Julie sighs... "I should have known such pronouncements were uttered under the influence of wine.

"Oh well" said Julie shrugging her shoulders.

oOo

Julie is indeed winding Gill up. Doing things for her is one her great pleasures, it doesn't matter how small it is, she goes to great lengths in finding ways to make her happy.

To those unknowing, it may seem that Julie does most of the giving yet, it isn't so. She also receives love and support from Gill.

Recently, Julie had her mom visiting for the weekend and Gill spent the entire time with them, she'd gone out of her way to make Julie's mom feel at ease and comfortable, even cooking and having them over for dinner with her and Sammy one evening.

The night before her mom left, she turned to Julie and let her know how happy she was that, she had a friend like Gill in her corner, telling her that she would no longer worry about Julie being alone in Manchester, (It did not escape Julie's attention that her mom thought they were a couple).

Those are some of the little things Julie is grateful to Gill for, she can turn to her for support when she is nervous and apprehensive about having to meet with the Assistant Chief Con just as much as when there's trouble with one of the syndicates on her watch and she needs to talk it over in confidence.

Since Gill's divorce years ago, their friendship is going through an undefined period; they have gotten closer than Julie ever would've thought possible, for her, there was no one in her life who compared to Gill.

If Julie were to be honest, the only problem with this arrangement is that over time they'd started treating each other as surrogate spouses. Their connection was emotional and spiritual, a relationship in every way but sexual.

As time went on, Julie's friends had started voicing their opinions about this state of affairs, pointing out to Julie, that spending all her time with the straight friend she was in love with was no way to go about finding a girlfriend of her own. They understood her loyalty to Gill but thought her behaviour towards Julie was selfish, no one believed that Gill could not see how in love Julie was with her.

The consensus' opinion was that she pretended to be oblivious to Julie's feelings in order to satisfy her own needs.

In truth, they blamed Gill for the fact that Julie's relationship of a few years with Helena, came apart at the seams during Gill's divorce.

No woman would have stood heedlessly watching her live in lover emotionally leave their relationship in order to be there for her best friend. In the beginning Helena was supportive and understanding, but, as time went on and she felt Julie pulling away from her, her long held suspicion that Gill was the true love in Julie's heart could not be ignored. Her attempts to make Julie prioritise her and their time together seemed to have the opposite effect and pulled them further apart, culminating on the night that Helena asked Julie to choose between the two and she chose Gill.

As much as Julie appreciated her friends concerns, she did not blame Gill for her breakup with Helena. She knew that the demise of that relationship was due to the choices she'd made and the fact that given an opportunity, she usually wanted to be with Gill.

As for Gill,

What had begun as need for support and, gratitude towards Julie as her pain and humiliation receded, had over time transitioned to a love so unexpected she was left humbled in it's wake. In the absence of knowing what to do about it and suspecting that Julie's feelings ran as deep or deeper than hers, she'd opted to be passive.

oOo

At their brunch table Julie came clean.

"Worry not you minx, I do have plans for your birthday, you'll have to wait until the day to find out what it is"

In her excitement at the news, Gill unexpectedly jumps up and, for the first time ever kisses Julie on the lips, stunning both of them in the process.

The Day Of Gill's Birthday

It has been a few weeks since the kiss Gill had given her.

Julie still remembered the feel of Gill's lips on her own, the look of shyness in her eyes, they'd blushed in the immediate aftermath of the kiss, continued their meal as if nothing had happened, enjoying being al fresco, luxuriating in the feel of a good weather day in Manchester.

That was NOT friendship kiss.

Julie would've liked to address the meaning of it; in general, she wasn't very good at pretending that things weren't happening, especially something as important like physical contact between them. But pinning Gill down, had proven to be an impossible task.

Maybe her friends were right and it was time to get back to the dating world.

Gill for her part was running scared, her impulse to kiss Julie had felt so natural that she hadn't stopped to think about it. The soft supple feel of Julie's lips remained imprinted in her memory. More and more her mind went there, wondered what it would be like to be with Julie, kiss and be kissed by her, to have all of Julie's intensity focused on her.

The end of those thoughts always came crashing down, driven by her feelings of inadequacy remnants of the divorce.

Although she had never said so, Gill believed Julie had feelings for her.

Her rational self felt that they could make a go of things.

The part of her afraid of rejection would always ask, why would Julie who could have any beautiful woman she wanted, choose Gill? She never had an answer to that question.

oOo

For her birthday Julie decided to surprise Gill with a full day at a luxury spa. She knew Gill loved all manner of pampering and beautification so that's what she'd booked them for, followed by a celebratory dinner.

To say Gill was surprised was an understatement, her excitement when they pulled up to the spa was contagious.

Gill loved every second of the experience, she spent the day dragging Julie from one treatment to another, and Julie allowed her to enjoy herself without reservations.

Not for the first time, Gill wondered how was it that Julie seemed to instinctively know the right thing to do for her and, hoped that at least sometimes, she was able to make Julie feel as special.

The attendants at the spa were very solicitous in catering to their needs. Gill was the first to notice that they were being treated as if she and Julie were a couple. The first time it happened, she was humoured by it and didn't pay much attention, as the day wore on, constantly being treated as Julie's other half, awoke in her a slight yearning for that to be true. A wish that she could find a way to express her needs and wants as a woman to her friend. That she could find the courage to cross the friendship bridge.

These conflicting emotions in her, meant that she was not as comfortable with everyone's assumptions about them.

It took Julie much longer to catch on to the staff's belief that they were a couple, she was unperturbed by this as it was something that happened from time to time when they were out together. She'd learned years ago to not pay attention to remarks like those.

Gill's over reaction in turning down the offer of a couple's massage made Julie wonder if she was having trouble with other people's perceptions.

They ended their spa day with a few minutes in the sauna room, as they were finally alone Julie casually mentioned

"The staff here seems to think we are a couple, have you noticed this?" She said shrugging her shoulders.

Gill, who has grown more uncomfortable as the day wore on, who's still wishing for a continuation of the kiss, stiffened and said

"what makes you think that slap?"

"Well it's obvious by the way they're addressing us, we must be giving off some kind of coupledom vibe as of late, even my mother thought we were one during her visit"

Said Julie by way of an explanation.

Gill in her nervousness; feeling inadequate and not wanting to open up this topic up for conversation, specially while under clothed in a sauna room where she's been focusing on Julie's lips, decides to be flippant in her answer.

Never imagining the damage her words would cause.

"Slap, you shouldn't be giving your mom false hope like that, even if I were interested in women, you wouldn't be my first choice" Gill said.

Upon hearing those words, Julie felt a coldness enter her being, even the sauna felt as cold as a bitter winter morning.

She was speechless, unable to react to the callousness of Gills words, to the utter disregard and dismissal of herself in Gill's eyes.

After the cold, came a wealth of hurt.

The moment the words left her mouth, Gill regretted them.

"They are a lie" she wanted to say to Julie. "If I could handle losing you one day, I would find the courage to show you my heart and soul"

But she said none of these words, silently watching as Julie withdrew into herself.

oOo

For the two women, the end of the day was so far from how it started.

They finished at the spa, went out to dinner and tried to recover the lightheartedness felt earlier.

On one side of the table, the pain, guilt and regret for the hurt she caused Julie with her words.

On the other side, the pain of being rejected (even unknowingly) by Gill, cut deeper than words could ever describe.

oOo

In the small hours of the morning, this was the day Julie decided to make changes in their friendship.

She took ownership for allowing Gill's needs to at times, be more important than her own.

For ignoring her own needs as a woman in favour of her time with Gill.

For settling for emotional connection and friendship as opposed to romantic love.

She'd read somewhere that: people treat you, how you teach them treat you.

Well it was time to reclaim her life, to teach Gill another way to treat her.

That this decision was driven by hurt, didn't make it any less valid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Assistant Chief Con: Assistant Chief Constable


	5. Chapter 5

Wednesday

Gill

Soon after her alarm goes off, Gill's mobile alerts her she's received a text message

"Hiya, are we on for tonight?"

Gill sighs before typing out her reply

"Hiya slap, yes we are on. I will be at the restaurant at 6:30 PM"

"See you there, ta-ta" replies Julie

They're having dinner at Damson in Media City.

A very nice setting for what is bound to be an awkward evening. Thought Gill to herself.

It had been Julie's choice. In all fairness to her, their plans were made the morning of her birthday before the developments of later that day.

It has been quiet between them since the weekend. Julie has sent her a few texts, probably too busy with Charlotte to have time for a phone call (thought Gill in a moment of snark).

Sighing again... It was time to get up and get ready for the day, she is meeting Julie after all.

Underneath her fear, there is a ripple of excitement.

Although she is not sure how to proceed and what outcome there will be, the woman in her knows that looking good today is the first step in shoring up her confidence, she stands in front of her wardrobe looking for an appropriate outfit to bridge the work / dinner plans.

Julie

She can't help the smile on her face upon reading Gill's reply. After the last look they exchanged on Saturday evening, there's a part of her that expected Gill to cancel their plans.

This upcoming dinner may not be as easy as the countless they've shared, but, it's a night with Gill.

They haven't had many of those lately and Julie has missed her. Deciding to change the parameters of their relationship may have been the right choice, just not an easy one to implement. As with many things in life, the practice of the theory is always much harder to achieve.

The events of the weekend has her re evaluating how ready she is to move on from Gill and, the tepid date she had with Charlotte last night didn't help her resolve.

Before dinner comes work Julie thinks as she starts her day.

Standing before her wardrobe, she begins to get ready.

oOo

"There's something about Gill this morning" Janet says to herself when she arrives into work. She's accustomed to her boss' tailored work look, today's outfit could only be described as "sexy tailored" assuming there's such thing.

It's not only the clothes, Gill is jittery, distracted, almost as if work is a placeholder for the main event of the day.

Despite what the public thinks not all murders are solved within an hour as the telly portrays. Sometimes it's about grunt work conducted over several days. Solving Laura's murder is slow going, today is a day of following leads and clues. Some of the team are on the go and the rest are working in office, a veritable slow day for syndicate 9.

At around noon, Janet uses this opportunity to ask Gill out to lunch, intending to have a heart to heart and finally get to the bottom of what's going on with her friend.

"Right Gill, we are going out to lunch across the road" says Janet.

"It's a quiet day and the report you are working on can wait for an hour"

Gill arches a brow as she looks at Janet

"What is it with this new way of extending invitations Janet?" If you simply ask, I may surprise you and say yes" replies Gill.

"When it's important, I'd rather not give you an option" says Janet with a smile

"One of these days, no matter how much you inform me of your intent, my answer will be no" Gill said.

"Be that as it may, it is a good day for lunch, so Janet, I will graciously accept your non invitation" They both burst out in laughter.

After letting her DS know where to find them if needed, they proceed over to the restaurant.

"What are you having Gill?" Asks Janet "I am ravenous"

"I am having dinner with Julie tonight, so I'll only have a salad" replies Gill

"Would said dinner have anything to do with the sexy outfit you are wearing?"

"My outfit is not sexy!" Protests Gill "this is perfectly appropriate for work"

"I've never seen you come into work looking like this" Janet says with a bland look.

As Gill is blushing, Janet uses the opening to address her friend;

"What's really going on Gill?

Whatever it is, I know it has to do with Julie, you think I haven't noticed that she hasn't been to the office for a while unless it's strictly business? That your subduedness coincides with her absence?

At times over the last few days you seem unhappy, in a way that I haven't seen in a long time.

Is it because she didn't come to your birthday? Or is it because... She was out on date on Saturday?" Janet says finally hitting the nail on the head.

As she utters the last statement Janet sees Gill's eyes well up with tears and she fights valiantly to not release them.

"I am losing Julie and I don't know how to fix it" Gill whispers

Janet, who is very surprised by this says " I don't think that will ever happen"

"This is Julie we are talking about" "What happened between the two of you?"

Gill takes a deep breath and decides to finally open up to her friend;

"I love her, did you know that?" Janet shakes her head in the negative.

"How could you when I haven't owned it to myself until recently?"

"I love her and in my fear, I screwed up, said this stupid thing to her which hurt her feelings, since then things have been different between us and now she is dating Charlotte"

"When did this happen?" asks Janet

"Last year on my birthday" replies Gill, owning that she knows exactly why Julie has changed. No longer willing to act oblivious of the reason.

There is an astonished look on Janet's face

"A year ago Gill? You've let it go on for this long?"

"I've never known you to be a coward, your strength and courage are two of the things I respect the most about you"

"What are you so afraid of?"

"Janet, I was married for over 10 years to a shag bandit who went at it with all and sundry behind my back. For many of those years I knew what he was up to and foolishly tried to change things about myself in order to keep his attention at home, we know how well that worked out"

"My rational mind knows that he is the one with the problem, that his infidelities had nothing to do with me, but the woman in me, who put up with it and blamed herself to some extent because she was in love with his potential as opposed to the reality of whom he was, lost confidence in her attractiveness and ability to hold a partner's interest the longer the marriage went on"

"What if I am not what Julie wants?"

"I don't know if I am gay, I simply love her, I want her"

"Would that be enough for Julie? She's always been out and dated women who were out, will she expect that from me? And if so, can I give it to her?"

"Can I keep her interested long term?"

"Janet, after Dave left I had Julie by my side, she helped me through the worst of things, was my rock and support. If we changed our relationship and she left me one day, I don't think I would be able to survive it"

"Gill" Janet interrupts her

"There are no easy answers to your questions"

"There is no way to change our reactions to the hurts of the past other than to give ourselves the opportunity to create new memories and experiences" "To have life show us that one tosser doesn't make everyone the same"

"Let me ask you something" continues Janet

"Can you live with yourself if you never find the courage to go after her and find out what's possible between the two of you?"

"I don't know" replies Gill

"Are you prepared to sit back and let her go?"

"No" said Gill

"Are you happy right now without Julie in your life"

"Certainly not" Gill said on a sigh

"Whatever these fears that are driving you are and, I am sure they are valid to you. They don't seem to be preventing you from feeling hurt in regards to Julie" "it may be worth it to give it a try and see what happens" continued Janet.

"Gill, if you love her and, she loves you, things can be worked out"

"Anything has to be better than this torture you are putting both of yourselves through"

"I wouldn't worry too much about Charlotte, if you ever find your courage and get your legs under you. Julie will never be able to resist you"

"As I've said before, sometimes life feels like a collection of Oh shit and then you die moments"

"Follow your heart Gill, I have a feeling you won't regret it"

Janet finished and focused on her lunch.

Gill is very quiet after Janet's speech taking in all she's heard. Her friend made some very good points and opened her up to the truth of the matter. She has much to think about this afternoon.

Wednesday Evening

Julie arrived at the restaurant first as she was slightly early, they were given a quiet table with a nice view. Her location also afforded her an unobstructed command of the entrance.

Truth be told, she was a little nervous about this dinner, when getting dressed this morning, she paid extra attention to her suit, choosing a french cuff shirt and wearing the bullet shaped cufflinks made of silver that Gill had given her after her last promotion.

As she was getting dressed that morning, her inner voice of reason asked why so much trouble for a belated birthday dinner with Gill? It pointed out that she hadn't gone through this much effort for last night's date with Charlotte

Smart woman that she was, she ignored the voice.

So lost she was in contemplation that at first she did not notice when Gill entered the restaurant. She looked up just as the host took the jacket from her and Julie's chin hit the floor.

Gill was wearing a deep red, almost wine colored sleeveless sheath dress.

The dress had a pleated V-neck with a plunging neckline, some kind of wrap over detail at the waist that accentuated how tiny Gill's waist is and a slit that went up the left side of her leg. She had paired it with black stiletto heels.

"Dear Lord, she looks hot" whispered Julie, heat coursing through her body as they approached the table and she stood up to greet her.

"Hiya Slap" said Gill with a small smile

"Hello love" replied Julie, slightly tongue tied

They leaned and hug each other, Gill noticing that Julie looked very nice herself that evening. She was wearing a charcoal gray suit with a rust coloured shirt.

To Gill, it felt good to have her arms around Julie, if only for brief moment.

They sat down and opened their menus, how strange to be nervous in each other's presence.

"How was?"

"Had a good?"

They both spoke at the same time

"You first love" Said Julie.

"How was your day slap?" Gill asked

"Regular busy day, reports to write syndicates to oversee" "At least I haven't had dealings with Karen Zalinsky for a few days" said Julie with a laugh.

"Had a good day?" She asked Gill

"The murder we are investigating is slow going as you know" "Mostly a day of paperwork at the office" replied Gill.

Julie noticed, the shy looks she is receiving from Gill.

Gill noticed Julie's reticence.

Again they fell silent and hid behind their menus, each one trying to find a way across the gap or at least, to relax enough for the evening.

They were rescued by their server approaching the table to appraise them of the specials and take their drink orders. This gave them a few minutes to compose themselves.

That being dispensed, it was time for honesty.

"Are we ever going to talk slap?"

"What have we to talk about love?"

"OK, I'll start" said Gill "Are you ever going to forgive me slap?" "It's been a year"...

Julie looks at her

"Why are you asking me this now Gill?" As you said it's been a year, during this time, you've seemed happy with the state of our friendship" replies Julie.

"Julie, nothing could be further from the truth, I haven't been happy, I miss you now and missed you then. I've been scared, so it was easier to pretend that nothing was different, that I had no idea why you were distant, than to confront my fears" Gill offers.

"Again, why now Gill" asks Julie before continuing

"Have you any idea how much you hurt my feelings? It isn't that you said I wouldn't be your choice for a girlfriend, if that's the way you feel you are entitled to that. Our friendship was never based upon you having feelings for me or seeing me as your eventual partner.

It was the dismissive and insensitive nature of your delivery. It felt in that moment as if you respected me so little, were so un preoccupied of me as person, as a woman that it allowed you to speak to me in that manner"

"You held up an invisible mirror showing me what I had become in your eyes" "Good ol' Julie Dodson who will always be there for me independent of her own needs"

"I thought our friendship was more than that" "That I Julie, meant more to you than that"

"That's what hurt Gill, that's what I feel the need to protect myself against"

Gill looked away in shame and embarrassment at the truth of Julie's words, her first instinct is to run away from this moment, but, she remembers what Janet said earlier and, far more important, she knows that if she does not find a way tonight, there would be no going back on Julie's end.

She takes a deep breath and begins;

"I am so sorry for my insensitive words that night" " As soon as they left my lips I regretted them, I've spent many days wishing I could take them back and re do the moment"

Julie, who's waited a year to hear this, feels something in her begin to thaw, a crack in her protective gear.

"But why Gill, why such a statement?" She asks

"I panicked slap"

"I have feelings for you that I didn't know how to begin to address. Having spent the day watching everyone treat us a couple awoke the yearning in me I'd hoped would remain dormant"

"To hear at the end of a day of such internal struggle, that even your mom thought we were a couple, was more than I could handle. I needed to shut the topic down and used what I stupidly thought was humor to do so"

"Yes, in that moment I did not think about the effect of my words on you" "For that, I will be forever sorry"

During Gill's explanation Julie is playing with her shirt's cuff link, Gill notices this and sees that it's the one she gave Julie for her promotion, for some reason she takes comfort in that simple gesture. Finds hope in that very small detail, and hope gives her courage.

So when Julie asks for the third time;

"Why now Gill?" "Why after all this time?"

She finds the courage to say

"Because I don't want to lose you slap"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DS: Detective Sergeant


	6. Chapter 6

Still at dinner

"What do you mean lose me?" Asks Julie

"Well, we hardly spend time together, I don't feel as free around you and," she hesitates before saying this... "You are dating someone" Gill says

"Gill, is this because you think someone else has what's yours?" "Someone may have my time and attention?" Says Julie

"No, Gill says with vehemence"

She can't afford any more miscommunications with her. As difficult as this may be, honesty is the only option.

"It has nothing to do with that slap" I assure you.

"I am in love with you" "Have been for some time now"

Julie is floored by this statement, never in her wildest dreams she expected to hear these words from Gill, certainly not tonight based on how things have been between them.

Gill can see how surprised Julie is by what she's heard, she sits silently awaiting her response.

Julie for her part is momentarily at a loss for words.

Many years ago, as a way to be a true friend to Gill, she schooled herself to never expect anything romantic between them despite her own feelings.

So deep and ingrained is that mantra that, in this moment, she doesn't know how to react.

As the silence goes on, Gill's fears begin to creep past her courage, wilting the self confidence she has mustered... Finally she has to say something

"I guess I waited too long to let you know my feelings" "It's OK if you don't feel the same slap" she starts to gather her things to leave.

Julie finally reacts,

"What are you doing Gill?" "You can't possibly say you love me and, intend to walk out leaving things unsaid!"

Gill settles back in her seat, her heart is beating so loudly, she is surprised Julie can't hear it. She looks up and their eyes meet again, exchanging smiles by what they see mirrored in each other.

"Do you really love me?" Asks Julie

"Yes, I do slap" replies Gill

"I love you too Gill. I've loved you so long, I no longer know what it's like to live without that love"

Gill feels a warmth spread throughout her body and soul at Julie's words.

"Why haven't you said anything before slap?"

"I didn't think it would've been fair to you love, we were first and foremost friends and I did not want to do anything to damage that friendship, my falling in love with you was mine to deal with and, I respected you too much to put it on you"

"Gill, I met you as a straight woman who didn't care that I was gay, you've never showed an inclination towards things been different on your end" "You mean so much to me and I decided long ago, if friendship is all there could be. That would be sufficient"

"That's not to say that I've pined over you or lived in pain about being in love with you"

"My love for you just lived in a special place in my heart"

"Well, thanks slap" said Gill not liking that last statement

"Tonight is the night for truth love" said Julie "why haven't you said anything?"

"It took me a long time to know it was love, my feelings for you were a gradual accumulation" "They grew out of all the little ways you cared for me and Sammy after the divorce, your steadfastness was something I was unaccustomed to having, at first I feared it was gratitude, then I worried that I was holding unto you because you were there for me in those difficult times and I didn't want to be alone"

"Ironically, it was after one of my birthday celebrations, that I looked at you and knew unequivocally that I loved you" "Then I was just scared, I still am" finished Gill.

As Gill was talking, their hands reached across the table to tentatively touch each other. The electricity of that moment confirmed that they were on the right path.

Julie rubbed her thumb over Gill's hand as she asked,

"What are you afraid of Gill?"

"That I won't be enough for you"

"That you'll leave me"

"That I won't recover it things don't work out between us"

"These things and any of the myriad of fears and insecurities that I was left with post divorce" replied Gill.

"Oh Love, have you so little faith in me in us?" "I know how things were with Dave but, I am not him (for one thing I am not a bloke)."

"I am not saying that our road will be smooth and, I can't promise that we will be able to go successfully from friends to lovers"

"But Gill, I deserve more credit than that, I've earned the right for you to see the me that I am as your friend, be the same as a lover and partner. For me to experience you as my lover if that's what you are ready for"

"We deserve the opportunity to manifest the love we have for each other. To see our friendship, respect and support over all these years, transcend to love"

"Gill, that is a gift that very few people get"

The look on Julie's face is so earnest, Gill is moved to tears.

They are both pensive for a few minutes, the only exchange that of their holding hands.

Dinner is served, which allows them to take this precious moment in.

They loved each other !

Julie

Is feeling so much, there aren't any words to describe it. Life is offering her, her greatest desire, all she has to do is reach out and grab it.

She is in love.

She truly never thought this moment would come, certainly not when she started this day.

As certain as she sounded when speaking to Gill, she wonders if it's possible for them to make a go of it.

There is also her very nascent involvement with Charlotte.

Gill

Can't believe this is happening, up until an hour ago, she was so afraid of losing her, viewed this dinner as some kind of farewell event. She walked in half prepared to watch Julie walk away.

Telling Julie the truth frees her.

She is happy, hopeful, in love.

oOo

During dinner, they exchange lighthearted conversations. About work, life, the little details they haven't shared recently. They laugh with each other, gossip about syndicates.

Julie starts to shed her protective barriers and Gill begins to relax around Julie, both of them needing to reclaim their footing in the friendship that sustained them for so long, in order to visualise moving forward.

It's not until dessert and coffee that they approach the topic again.

"What do we do now slap?" Asks Gill

"I don't know love, this is as new to me as it is to you" "what do you want Gill?" Said Julie

"That's easy slap, I want you, to be with you" Gill said.

At that Julie lets out a hearty laugh

"How about we start with a proper date love?" "Are you free Saturday?

"That far away slap! How am I to last until the weekend?" Said Gill with a flirty smile

"Gill, before we go out I have to address things with Charlotte, end things with her" says Julie

Gill stiffens, for her this is an unpleasant reminder, one destined to cause her anguish as the fears still run rampant within her.

What if Julie decides Charlotte is the one she wants after all?

Julie looks at her, straight into her.

"Gill, don't do this, there's no need to go there"

"I owe her the courtesy of a conversation. Specially after all the reassurances I've given her that you were not a factor in my feelings other than those of a friendship"

"It wouldn't be fair to her or to us to not do things right. Not at this point"

Although she won't say it out loud, Gill sees her point of view.

No matter what Julie says, she can't expect her to be happy that she is meeting another woman, someone who wants Julie. Not when things are so tenuous between them.

"If you think you must slap" she says softly.

"Yes, I do love" repeats Julie.

oOo

Their meal finished, Julie takes care of the check as they prepare to leave the restaurant, again she notices how sexy Gill looks and decides to have some fun with her.

"Gill, was seduction on your mind when you got dressed this morning?" I can't imagine the lads on your syndicate were able to concentrate today after seeing you in that dress"

Gill deeply blushes before replying

"Not you too slap" "This is a perfectly appropriate work outfit, I kept me jacket on and buttoned all day" "no one saw the top of my dress"

"Well that's a relief" said Julie "Thank you for saving that view for my eyes only, you look very nice" she said with a wink

"Now, if we are being honest, the fact that you needed to keep your jacket on all day negates your statement of appropriateness"

"Shut up slap" said Gill with a laugh "or I may never dress up for you again"

"I certainly wouldn't want that love, such a pity that would be" Julie whispers in her ear as she escorts her.

They walk out of the restaurant in companionable silence, both still slightly insecure of each other, unsure of what's next.

As they reach Gill's car, Julie takes the key and opens the door for her.

Just before Gill sits down, Julie leans in and gives her a kiss. With a whimper, Gill also leans into her responding to the kiss, their arms going around each other.

It's a kiss of longing and want.

Their first kiss in this new beginning.


	7. Chapter 7

Thursday

"Hiya slap" heard Julie when she picked up her desk phone.

"Are you rested this morning" said Gill flirtatiously

"Hello love, I am fine today how about you?" said with laughter

Life felt good to both of them, declaring their love for each other was like a double re birth. The anticipation of what's to come, the possibilities endless.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" "Not that I don't enjoy hearing your voice on any day" asked Julie

"Well slap, I wanted to see you tonight, this case is dragging on without any leads, I was hoping we could go over the file together off the record and maybe you would have some thoughts for me" said Gill "what's the point of having access to my own ranking officer, if I can't take advantage of her illustrious mind?"

"We could make a night of it"

"Love, thereabouts what time were you thinking?" Julie asked

"I don't know slap, I will be able to leave the station early. Come around for dinner later?" Gill said

Julie demurs her reply, what she is about to say will not please Gill but she will always be honest with her.

"I can come round to yours love, it will be later though" "I am having dinner with Charlotte"

"Oh, I see" said Gill "that was quick slap"

"Gill" Julie says hoping for patience "the sooner I speak with her, the best for everyone involved"

"The conversation between her and I has nothing to do with us" "it's something that I have to do"

She couldn't help it, Gill wished that she didn't feel this way regarding Charlotte. Technically she had no rights over Julie, no place to feel jealous but she did.

The thought of Julie having dinner with her, made Gill want to stake a claim letting everyone know that as of that moment, Julie was not available.

She couldn't say this, so she simply said;

"I'll see you when you are done slap"

Gill returned her focus to work, her feelings vacillating between anticipation at seeing Julie tonight and jealousy about her impending dinner with Charlotte

oOo

Mid afternoon there is a young lad with a flower delivery for Gill Murray.

Gill is in a meeting regarding the case, Janet receives the arrangement placing it on her desk. As she is walking out of the boss' office she wonders if they are from Julie.

She hopes that Gill was able to find the courage and have the conversation, she was surprised to hear Gill talk about being in love with Julie. After giving it some thought, she sees that this is a logical transition to the friendship they've shared all these years. She sees how coupled they've been and operated as for a long time.

Janet has never seen anyone care for Gill as deeply and as long as Julie has. Not even Dave.

She takes the delivery of flowers as a good sign.

When Gill returns to her office, she is pleasantly surprised to see the arrangement on her desk. A lovely colourful mixture of tulips (her favourite flower) and lilies.

The unsigned card says "even when I am not in your presence, my mind and heart belong to you"

Janet who at that moment is approaching Gill's office sees the smile on her face.

"Boss, you have a minute?" She says

"Yes, come in" replies Gill

Upon closing the door Janet says, "I take it things went well last night?"

"Yes Janet, thank you for giving me the courage to be honest about my feelings. I love her and she loves me too" replied Gill, smiling brighter with every word

"I didn't doubt it for a minute" said Janet "She's loved you for a very long time"

"Be happy Gill, you both deserve it"

oOo

Gill is home on the settee with a pot of tea, she's already had dinner and is unwinding as she waits for Julie. She would prefer wine but wants to keep her wits about her in order to go over Sharon's casefile.

There's a light knock on the door and Julie is there, long ago they'd dispensed the formality of ringing the bell to enter each other's homes.

"Hiya love" she greets her as she is comes into the sitting room to find Gill.

Having dropped her bag and jacket at the entrance.

"Hi" replies Gill, taking in the sight of Julie

They lean in for what they both thought would be a chaste kiss until passion took over and threatened to overwhelm them.

Julie nibbles on her lower lip before deepening the kiss. The contact electric, sending bursts of passion through the center of Gill's core, moisture pooling there.

She runs her hands through Julie's hair, caresses her back, pulling her closer, opening herself and body to Julie whose hands roam from Gill's face to her breasts, eventually finding their way under her top to skim the outline of her bra.

Julie's moan elicits one from Gill, she crawls onto Julie's lap, needing to feel closer to her. Resting her arms on either side of Julie on the back of the settee, pinning her there, taking over the kiss.

Trailing kisses along Julie's collarbone, her neck, up to her ears to whisper

"Thanks for the flowers slap"

Making Julie pant...

It's a wondrous feeling after so long, to have the freedom to hold and touch, to know that your caresses are welcomed and encouraged.

Julie is the first to reluctantly pull apart, their breaths uneven.

"We should focus on the case love" she pulls her hands from under Gill's top, holding her by the waist

Gill slowly looks at her; enjoys the feeling and power of the effect she has on Julie.

"I would much rather be doing this slap" said Gill in a sultry voice, leaning in for a slow kiss before sliding off Julie's lap

They make time to snuggle on the settee, luxuriating in the feel of holding each other.

Gill's head is on Julie's chest, holding her around the waist. Julie has one hand on Gill's bum the other running along the length of her arm.

"How was dinner slap?" She finds the courage to ask

"It was fine love" says Julie

At that Gill looks up "really slap?"

"Yes love" said Julie with finality

Although she would never admit it to Gill, it wasn't. She'd hurt Charlotte's feelings, seemed like a liar in her eyes.

It took Julie a long time to be willing to give dating a try, she hadn't wanted the complication of a fellow officer. Charlotte was patient, offered her a friendship and, gave her time to come around.

They weren't going out long, a couple of dates, but, just before things changed between them Charlotte asked if Julie's reluctance had anything to do with Gill, with Julie having feelings for Gill.

She'd been honest when she answered no, as far as Julie was concerned, her feelings for Gill were not a factor as there wasn't going to be an opportunity to act on them.

How could she have known the change her life would take?

She feels sorry for hurting Charlotte, and, all her previous partners who felt that they lived under the shadow of Gill. Those who knew that they were and always would be second to Gill.

She truly feels terrible about that, yet she has no regrets in loving and choosing the unstoppable forced called Gill.

"Why so quiet slap" said Gill

"No particular reason love, just thinking that in all the times I've held you like this, this is the first time there's more than friendship in my touch"

"I love you slap"

"I love you too Gill"

oOo

Eventually they reviewed the case file, worked until late into the night, looking at every angle that had been unearthed. Neither could see any clues Gill and her team had missed.

This case was just a difficult one to solve, they would have to continue working looking for the break that is sure to come.

oOo

"Right love, it's time to head home" said Julie, getting up to leave

Gill is reluctant to have her leave, she needs to make up all the time they've missed all the years wasted to fear.

"You don't have to go slap" she said

Julie looks at her, trying to figure out what exactly Gill is offering

"Gill, I don't think I could stay in the spare room tonight"

"I am not asking you to the spare room slap" "but it's up to you" said Gill looking vulnerable

"Are you sure you are ready Gill?" insisted Julie

"Slap, there's been very few things I've been as sure as I am about this"

With that she stood, extended her hand to Julie, entwining their fingers as they slowly walked up the stairs, anticipation building with each step.

oOo

They took turns in the en suite bathroom, while Julie was in, Gill turned down the bed, leaving on the lamp on the night table.

Julie emerges fresh from her shower, wearing the spare sleepwear she's had at Gill's for years. It wasn't particularly sexy which didn't matter to either of them.

Gill is wearing a short satin nighty that Julie has never seen before, she's all woman and feminine, Julie's throat is suddenly dry at the sight of her.

They're both so nervous, they hesitate to make the first move

"Gill, we really don't have to do this tonight" says Julie

"Don't be chivalrous tonight slap, that's not what I need" Gill said reaching for her

She kneels on the bed, pulling her in for a kiss.

This kiss was no mere touching of lips. Mouths opened and Gill's tongue slipped between Julie's lip in exploration. Julie's arms went around Gill and they embraced fiercely, moaning at the urgency of Gill's lips.

"We are going to make love tonight in this bed slap, wake up in each other's arms"

"God I want you so badly, I want to taste you" said Julie as she rained quick kisses down the length of Gill's body, peeling away her nighty until Gill was left only in her knickers.

Julie took off her pajamas and underwear, naked for the first time in the arms of this woman she so loved.

Gill was lost in a world of sensations, as teeth closed on her earlobe biting gently, she felt a tongue dipped into her ear, Julie's breath making her shiver, she released a moan

"You like that don't you love?"

"Like the sensation of my licking every inch of you"

"Like the feeling of my lips and hands on your breasts"

"Do you know how many nights I have longed to do this?" Asked Julie as she flicked her tongue over Gill's nipple using her teeth to enhance the sensations she was creating in her lover.

Gill arches her back, trying to feed more of herself into Julie. Moaning, panting as Julie slowly works her way down her body, to the core of her womanhood, already flowing, tangible proof of her arousal. She never imagined it could be so good, feel this good to be with Julie.

She removes Gill's underwear, running her fingers through her sex, feeling her wetness.

Gill muffled a scream at the first contact of Julie's tongue on her, it felt like a wild animal in her, alternating between deep plunges and light feathery caresses of her swollen clit building the tension that only she could relieve.

"Oh God Julie, more, I need more" she begged

Julie readily complied, placing two fingers at the entrance of her sex,

"Look at me love" she commanded.

They looked into each other's eyes as Julie delivered the first thrust, causing Gill to go limp, Julie continued deep and slow, letting Gill get used to having her fingers inside of her, adding a third finger as she added stimuli to her clit with her every stroke

"Yes, yes, yes, oh yes" rhythmically panted Gill moving in unison to the stroke of Julie's fingers

Julie could feel the buildup of Gills release by the way her insides grabbed onto more of her, just when she felt Gill about to topple over she curled her fingers inside Gill while simultaneously sucking on her nipples, sending her over the edge with a very loud moan of satisfaction.

She wasn't done with her, did not intend to give her an opportunity to come down. Julie crept up Gills body, kissed her deeply and whispered in her ear

"And we've just begun"

Julie opened Gill's legs wide open with her knees, made adjustments for the difference in their heights and pressed her sex against Gill's, opening her labia to meet her lover's.

The sensation unlike anything Gill has ever experienced.

As excited as they both were it was a matter of minutes before the frenzied friction of their lovemaking took them to the brink and send them sailing over. Their kiss absorbing the moans of ecstasy.

For a long time, the only sounds in the bedroom were those of uneven breathing.

"God, I love you slap"

"I love you too Gill"

They fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.

Julie awoke to the feel of a hand lightly caressing her body, she felt relaxed, satisfied, sated.

She revelled in the sensation of Gill's caresses, by sound, encouraging her caresses. Letting her know she was enjoying her ministrations.

She could feel her timidity and insecurity in Gill's touch and, her love grew by the courage her lover was showing.

When Gill licked her nipple she gasped in joy,

"That feels so good Gill"

Gill continued her caresses, trailing a path of kisses between Julie's lips and her breasts teasing, tantalising until finally letting her hand reach Julie's sex.

Julie swallowed a deep moan when Gill's finger began to stroke her wet slit. That finger curled and dipped inside her, glorifying at the feel of her lover's inside.

The smooth velvety ness of it. The wonder of being inside another woman for the first time, this woman her woman.

At Julie's whimpering, she added another finger and continued stroking her, replicating the movements Julie bestowed upon her, encouraged by the strangled sounds coming from Julie's throat

"Oh Gill, like that love. Don't stop, please don't stop"

She exclaimed as Gill increased the speed and force of her plunges.

Bringing Julie to a climax when she lightly flicked her clit.

oOo

Right before falling into satisfied slumber, Gill said.

"You still owe me romance slap, I want my date"

"At this moment, I would promise you the world if you asked for it love" replied Julie.


	8. Chapter 8

Epilogue

25 years later

When we are young, they always say that at the end of our days our regrets are never about work, I guess anyone who's said this never met me.

I am facing the end of road and, I regret any case that I left unsolved, any psychopathic murderer that got away from me during my years as a copper.

The case I regret the most, is the murder of Sharon. That case, her widow's grief and the obvious love between them, was the opening in my heart of my feelings for Julie.

I guess, the fact that these are my regrets, lay testament to the great life I've had over the last 25 years with my Julie.

Gosh, it's amazing to think that it's been that long since we admitted our love for each other, became lovers and partners for life.

This road was the greatest of my life, loving Julie and being loved by her, was and continues to be amazing.

We've done it all together;

I retired first, I was tired, done with the darkness of human soul. It was 2 years into our relationship that I did.

After my retirement, we both sold our houses, bought one together and, as I had the time to do so, I was free to make it our home and take care of Julie. Supporting her continued climb through the ranks until, her eventual ascendancy to Assistant Chief Constable when Karen Zalinski was called to serve in government at the pleasure of the New Prime Minister.

If anyone thinks I was bored when retired, nothing could be further from the truth. I took up gardening (can you believe it, me?), grew to really enjoy cooking and having time for friends and family.

When I got restless, I found a case to be an outside adviser on, which gave me the freedom to make my own schedule and work as much or little as I wanted to.

Our Sammy got married to Orla and, after a few years made me into a 3 time granny. I love the little buggers, even though they are teenagers now, specially my namesake Gillian.

This gave Julie and I the chance to be "grans" together. As she never had kids, her joy at spending time with them when little was unparalleled, at home she was always the good granny to me being the strict granny (I am too attached to rules I guess).

In those moments, I loved her more for the love she bestowed upon my kids and grandkids. No one could've said they weren't as much hers. Overtime, they were simply ours.

Having raised a great young man, I had no doubts that Sammy would accept our relationship. Yes, there were adjustments on his part which we were able to talk about and work through. It helped that Julie had been a long standing presence for most of his life.

We supported one another and helped each other bury our parents. Seeing them through ageing and illness, reminding us that no matter how good our life is, the road comes to an end eventually.

It was 7 more years after mine that Julie retired and we were free.

We've traveled the world, visited museums, opera houses, and due to my love of gardening, nature conservatories and botanical gardens.

As exciting as those moments were, there's no comparison to being with my Julie at home, having a lie in, celebrating Holidays with our families sparring over the crossword puzzle, what movie to watch or who controls the telly remote for the evening.

I indulge her enjoyment of The Great British Baking Show, occasionally teasing her about whether I should be jealous of the host.

Julie's way of reassuring me makes me blush every time I think about it.

Our lovemaking, after all these years is still passionate, we try new things, fancy each other as much today as we did when first intimate.

Julie proposed for our 10th year anniversary. She was so nervous and vulnerable when she did, concerned that the wounds of my marriage and subsequent divorce from Dave would keep me from wanting to marry again.

I was so honoured to be asked in marriage. For the past 15 years I have proudly been Mrs. Murray - Dodson.

For those wondering, I kept Murray for Sammy and the kids as Julie didn't mind.

Of the many things I've learned in these years, being happy and secure in the love you share goes a long way in healing whatever wounds may have been inflicted by others.

Julie's steadfastness is the same today as my wife as she was first as my friend and then as my lover, she banished any memories I had of Dave.

When we got married, I never thought that we could be any closer than we had been for those 10 yrs. Yet marriage, brought a different permanency, dimension and strength to our commitment.

To know that we were a couple in every sense of the word, with all legal protections. What we have belongs to each other and no one can take that away.

Before getting together with Julie, I wondered if I was gay. The answer to that is, if loving Julie makes me a lesbian, YES I AM.

I had no problems letting people know we were a couple. At work before retiring and, with our families. We were lucky to be accepted by most and those who had a problem with it (Dave included), were kept out of our daily lives and eventually fell away.

I even played happy wife to Julie's senior officer status, in part to remind the officers who still fancied my wife (then partner), that she was taken. Specially Charlotte, although Julie never admitted it, I knew that for years she waited in the wings hoping for us to fall apart, that there would be an opening for her with Julie.

These many years later, I can on occasion feel jealous of the attention Julie gets from women. In age she's grown more beautiful, more graceful.

The final gift life is giving me is my desire to not have to deal with losing Julie. The one thing I knew I couldn't recover from.

I am ill and my time is short, I accept the ending is near, but I am oh so sad at leaving my Julie and the kids.

I hurt for her, and would give anything to not inflict this pain and sorrow on her.

Twenty five years have not been enough. There's so much more we could've done, so many more experiences to share.

I watch her strength, sitting here next to my bed and wonder,

Will she be OK when I am no longer here?

I have loved her for so long yet, she has loved me for most of her life.

I turn to her and let her know...

"To not admit my love for you, would've been my biggest regret slap" she looks into my eyes with tears in her eyes as her hands tightened her hold on mine

"I love you so much Julie, you've made me so happy for all these years" "no matter where I am, I will always be with you"

I use my fingers to wipe the tears that slowly course down her cheek...

"Be happy my love"

"Live everyday in honor of our love"

"You will forever be my Julie"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to see this perspective in the Gill / Julie pairing and although I never saw myself as a writer, or thought I had the ability, decided to take it on.
> 
> I've had fun, more than I could've imagined in doing so.
> 
> To Cathi, "dude" thank you for being my unofficial beta. Your honest feedback and enthusiasm kept me going.
> 
> The journey has come to an end in more ways than one.
> 
> To everyone who read this story I say a heartfelt... Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> As suggested by someone not familiar with the show Scott & Bailey
> 
> MIT: Major Incident Team
> 
> DCI: Detective Chief Inspector
> 
> FLO: Family Liaison Officer
> 
> SIO: Senior Investigative Officer
> 
> CCTV: Closed Circuit Television
> 
> Comments are welcome.


End file.
